By Kevin KellyPTR Guest Columnist
www.generalrubbish.com
Day 2 can really only be described as an “Overdose in Celebreality”. The aftermath of the writer’s strike is still showing painfully, like a broken bone poking through the skin. There are a ton of reality shows that can only be described as trainwrecks coming down the television pipeline. If you’d hoped for a escape, you’re out of luck.WeTV
The news: Women’s Entertainment is launching a new show called The Locator, a reality-based show that feature uber-locator Troy Dunn as a man who tracks down birth parents, long-lost lovers, and people who owe you money. He was joined onstage by a mother and daughter duo who had been reunited on the show, which is filled with heart-wrenching scenes, based on the trailer we saw.The quote: Mom kept remarking “You’re so gorgeous!!! You look like me!” to her newfound daughter while they compared tans and silicone boobs.
CMT
The news: Country Music Television is really embracing the reality television onslaught like they always have, although this year they even have spinoff reality shows. There doesn’t really appear to be an end in sight. Either there is still a massive audience out there for this, hiding in the heartland of America, or else the executive at the channel just can’t think of anything new. Or both.Gone Country: The series is heading into a second season, with B-list celebs Chris Kirkpatrick, Sean Young, Lorenzo Lamas, and Mikalah Gordon. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about celebs who are trying to reinvent themselves as country-western singers. This passed over my head (and musical tastes) with a whistling sound, and Mikalah seemed peeved that no one wanted to ask her anything.
The quote: Sean Young was asked how she’s feeling and what’s going with her, and she remarked that “My social anxiety has kind of turned into social hostility.” So try and keep a safe zone perimeter around her at all times if you spot her in the wild.
Outsider’s Inn: Three of the people who didn’t advance on last season’s Gone Country have been awarded their own spinoff show. Maureen “Marcia Brady” McCormick, Carnie “Stomach Stapling” Wilson, and Bobby “What the Heck?” Brown run a bed & breakfast out in the country for a month. Sound like something you’d want to watch?
The quote: Maureen McCormick has found her appearances on Gone Country and Celebrity Fit Club to be “Very cathartic. I feel like for the first time in my life I’ve been able to reveal me.” She’ll be revealing more of herself in her autobiography called Here’s The Story.
Comedy Central
The news: Comedy Central decided to straddle the line by presenting a new game show (actually a new old game show), which borders on reality, and a new sketch/magazine format comedy show. Thankfully, these were presented with funny people, so it actually served as a very brief respite between all the reality blitzes.The Gong Show with Dave Atell: Dave Atell loves getting dirty and in your face, and while his show Insomniac seemed like a good vehicle for that, the new Gong Show seems mainly reserved for people who can fart, take their clothes off, or otherwise gross you out. It’s like Jackass with a giant gong. Literally.
The quote: Someone asked Atell what beer pong was, because they referenced it earlier. He lovingly explained, “Well, grandpa, you’ve got to get out of the Cracker Barrel! What is a beer pong? Geez.”
David Alan Grier’s Chocolate News: I’ve always wondered why David Alan Grier never became a star on the level of Dave Chappelle or Adam Sandler. He’s been on a very successful sketch comedy show, In Living Color, and is very quick with a joke, does great impersonations, and has a tireless energy. What happened? Comedy Central is launching a magazine-style news show that he’ll star in, and we can only hope that helps.
The quote: When asked if they might have Dave Chappelle on the show as a guest star, or if they’d follow the format of his show, Grier quipped “I sure would love that $50 million dollars!” So would we, Dave. So would we.
TV Land
The news: Despite a brief break from reality provided by the comedians, the real tidal wave of reality shows had yet to hit us. TV Land decided to set us straight by smacking us in the face with Family Foreman, a reality show featuring George Foreman, his wife, and their kids. It’s about what you’d expect, with the slight added bonus that George Foreman is genuinely pretty interesting. I just wonder if he’ll have the kids hocking George Foreman Grills… based on his quote below, he might.The quote: When asked if it’s confusing with so many kids named George running around in the same house (he has five sons named George, and a daughter named Georgetta). “I tell everybody when you’ve been hit on the head by Joe Frazier, Ken Norton, Evander Holyfeld, Muhammed Ali… how many names do you expect me to be able to come up with?”
VH1
The news: Not to be left out of the fray, VH1 has two new reality shows that they want you to know about as well. Remember those days when VH1 used to show music videos? Me either. Trying to remember is like looking through the wrong end of a pair of binoculars with the lens caps still on.Glam God: Vivica A. Fox hosts a show that can best be described as Project Runway meets… a cheap knockoff of Project Runway that’s squarely aimed at Hollywood. The competition is to find Hollywood’s “next breakout stylist.” She’s joined by some stylist judges, and they critique everything in a very sassy style. I’m not sure who will really be worshipping at the altar of Glam God.
The quote: Asked if she ever spoke to Larry David about fashion, she replied “He ain’t changing. Larry’s going to wear his Converse. He’s going to drive his hybrid. He is going to be LD.” Isn’t driving a hybrid trendy and stylish right now? Shows what I know.
The Cho Show: Margaret Cho returns to television, although this time it’s a full-on reality show, complete with both of her parents, an assistant, and the unscripted (or are they?) situations that make up her life. I can’t summon the snark here for some reason, because I have a bizarre crush on her. I’ll surrender my press card as a result. However, this is still reality TV, and I want to stomp on it like it’s a bag of dog poop on fire.
The quote: When asked what makes Asian families different from “regular” American families she said, “Our skin is kind of yellow, and then our eyes are smaller, so we just look different. We kind of blend in with everybody. Okay, I’m just kidding.”
MTV
From Gs to Gents: Jamie Foxx is also getting in on the action, with this makeover show that promises to take “Gs” – gangstas, and turns them into “Gents.” They do this with the instruction of host Fonzworth Bentley, who is so dapper that he almost feels like a caricature. The “Gs” on the show are fairly hardcore playas, and some of them weep openly when they get booted off the show. Who knew?The quote: When asked when makes a man stylish, he said “There’s a quote that I really love, ‘Dress is an outward expression of a man’s state of mind. It is his attire that tells the world what he thinks of himself.’” So what does that say about my jeans and t-shirt attire? Dammit.
National Geographic Channel
The news: The National Geographic Channel is one of those channels that I never thought I’d be into, but have you noticed that over the past few years shows on there and on places like the Discovery Channel and the History Channel are kicking a lot of ass? They’re definitely more watchable than reality shows, and in some cases they’re a lot more exciting than the scripted ones as well. They showed us two shows, and also touted a week’s worth of specials that they’re calling Expedition Week.World’s Toughest Fixes: Ever wonder what some of the toughest jobs in the world are? Like, how do you work on power lines that carry 500,000 volts, or work on a tower 2,000 feet in the air? The answer is: very carefully. Host Sean Riley undergoes training for different jobs, then joins real-life workers onsite to work alongside them and show people how it’s done. It’ll keep you on the edge of your seat.
The quote: This one actually came from a journalist in the room. The producers said that they’d actually found the host Sean on Craigslist, someone asked if they’d found an ad that read “Tall guy with a red beard looking for fun?”
Dogtown: Saving the Michael Vick Dogs: Dogtown has already had a season before this show, which is a two-hour special where they take the 22 fighting dogs seized during the raid on Michael Vick’s compound. It serves as a lead in to the second series, and is filled with tragic stories about these dogs who have been so mistreated. They brought in George, one of the pit bulls they rescued from his house, and she had every one of her teeth surgically removed before they took her out of there.
The quote: “Woof!” Actually, Georgia was a very sweet dog who has had an incredibly hard life. She’s such a sweetie, and whoever mistreated her should have their testes removed. Painfully.
Expedition Week: This is an ambitious week-long grouping and shows, focused around… expedition. The panel for this was impressive, simply because Buzz Aldrin was there. Second man to walk on the moon! He’s part of a special called Live From The Moon, that features incredible live high-definition video satellite footage from the moon. In fact, it’s the first video footage of the moon shot since astronauts last landed there.
The week continues with Unlocking the Great Pyramid, Shipwreck! Captain Kidd, and Explorer: Lost City of the Amazon. Trust me, this is programming that you would much rather watch than According to Jim, Two and a Half Men, and Season Three of Lost.
The quote: Buzz Aldrin was asked what the next great frontier that the human race would explore was. “I think we want to go to Mars to establish survival of the human race, among other things. That’s a problem.” Reminds me of the other quote from Total Recall with Arnold Schwarzenegger, “Get your ass to Mars.”
A&E Networks
A&E has a unique blend of science/history programming, as well as scripted entertainment. They gathered three shows together to showcase both sides of this coin to us, the History Channel’s (which is part of the A&E Network) Sandhogs and Einstein, and A&E’s The Cleaner.Sandhogs: Sandhogs are urban miners who dig in tunnels and construction projects deep below the surface of the Earth. These are the people who dig the tunnel that links Long Island Railroad to Grand Central Station, who built the foundations for the Brooklyn Bridge. It’s very perilous work, and these guys are an incredibly tight-knit family. One sandhog on the panel even got choked up when he was talking about his experience working with his “brothers.”
The quote: When asked how dangerous it is working in these tunnels, sandhog Craig Piligan said “There’s no paper cuts down there. A couple of weeks ago our foreman got his fingers ripped off. It’s cave-ins, it’s collapses.” I think I’ll never complain about my job again.
Einstein: This special looks to show how Einstein saw the world, what made him brilliant, what his faults were, and what exactly the impact everything had on his own life. It’s not exactly a biography, per se, but more a study about what made Einstein such an interesting guy. Much more interesting than a white-haired man with crazy hair and his tongue sticking out.
The quote: Apparently Einstein had a mean streak. When one of Einstein’s friends who wished to be German was dying shortly after Hitler was driven out of Germany, Einie wrote him a letter that said “You finally understand the blond beast has got you.” Not exactly a friendly send-off.
The Cleaner: Benjamin Bratt stars in this show about a man who struggles with his own addiction, who strikes a deal with God to save others from addiction as well. It’s a large ensemble show, with Bratt and his television family dealing with the problems that their father’s new direction takes them in. My only note here is… it’s tough for me to get past the Benjamin Bratt factor. I’m just not a fan. Yes, that’s my own personal problem. You might love this show to pieces. I have no idea. If I knew, I’d be rich from predicting the future.
The quote: When asked if the language would be “sanitized” for A&E, like their versions of The Sopranos are, co-creator and and executive producer Jonathan Prince said “Well, you can have two sh*ts, one bullsh*ts, no horsesh*ts, one ass, no a**hole. There’s a rule, it’s math, I think.”
The second day of the Cable part of the TCAs pretty much tend to be fairly shell-shocking, just because of the sheer amount of information that you’re having firehosed onto your brain at any moment. It’s easy to let things slip in one ear and go barreling out the other, particularly when it comes to reality television, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised by some of the other programming.
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