Things Go Bump on 'The Closer'

By LillyKat
PTR Senior Staff Writer

ICC.

Insta Closer Classic.

This is all I can think about today in trying to recap last night’s highly-sterical episode titled “Speed Bump.” Pick a moment, any moment moment:

Walk With Me
Red Rover Run Me Over
Nooner to Eighter or Niner
Back Spasm Central
Murder Girls Gone Wild!


The Case

This totally reminded me of that X-Files episode from years back about the old folks home whereby its residents would … ahem … die suddenly for no apparent reason. Now, in this case, there was no old folks home for Priority Homicide to investigate nor any sort of government alien conspiracy to otherwise occupy one’s time.

Rather, it was a half-way house run by two women who … ahem … thought nothing of convincing its down-on-their-luck residents to a) take out a life insurance policy; b) name the women as beneficiaries; c) wait a year until the policy matures; d) take resident out, get him drunk and turn him into a human speed bump.

Va-voom!

The kicker, of course, was last night’s victim (Roy Wilkinson) was actually one of those “Are we really sorry he’s dead?” victims – having been convicted of brutally strangling a young girl (Carly) whilst having sex with her. He only got eight years for the deed before being released to take up residence in the half-way house – much to Lieutenant Flynn’s chagrin. See, it was Flynn’s case back in the day – one he took a little too personally then and of which hadn't changed a whole lot now. Like, sending flowers two weeks prior to Ray’s roadkill-esque death to commemorate the anniversary of Carly’s death. Easy there, Flynn. Good thing he had an alibi for Ray's death. Flynn sorta reminded me of Sergeant Gabriel in last season’s Ruby, when a case becomes a little bit more than just a case.

Poor BJ and her overzealous, grudge bearing detectives. What’s a Den Mother to do?


The Hysterical

How many times did Lieutenant Tao say “Walk with me” as he was trying to show BJ that the doer drove around the block and came back to finish the job on ol’ Ray?

Or Lieutenant Provenza playing Red Rover Run Me Over with umpteen dummies as he and Tao tried to establish the pattern of injuries on Ray from the impact of the car. Did he seem to be having a little too much fun?

Or the cat fight in the interview room between the two half-way house ladies after one learns the other was trying to squeeze her out of her fair share of the life insurance policy? Cue Murder Girls Gone Wild!


The Hysterical Personal

So that’s how you break in every room of a new house, eh?

And why this show continues to charm beyond charms.

As Jon Tenney told us, would we not have wanted to sit in on those tone meetings for BJ and Fritzy’s early-morning-turn-to-back-spasm romp around the house? Sort of like the spicier version of Lilly Rush’s Rompage in "Rampage" sequence with dear Joseph without an ol' football injury getting in the way of ... ahem ... the fun.

Poor Fritzy throws out his back. Being a back pain sufferer myself, let me tell you, it.sucks.

But he’ll be good for a nooner, right?

Wrong.

More like an-eighter-to-a-niner-to-asleep in front of the TV, flat on the floor, pretty much where he was left earlier in the day (banged elbows on having been dragged there by BJ not withstanding).

And yet the brilliance of this show is that they mix the humor with a sense of delicateness. BJ wanted desperately to give Fritz something for the pain only to be reminded that giving Vicodin to a recovering alcoholic is not a good call. And, when BJ comes home at the end of the very long day, sees Fritz asleep, goes for a glass of wine only to put the wine back in the cabinet, get in her PJs and cuddle up with him on the floor … awwwwww!!!!!!!

Do we love this show or do we love this show?

New episodes air Mondays at 9 p.m. on TNT. You can also watch full episodes of the show anytime over on the show’s official Web site.