Wednesday, February 07, 2007

SVU Writers Have Found A Loophole

By: Trublu
PTR Staff Writer

NBC Recap

How many officers does it take to bring down a huge guy high on PCP? Apparently three detectives, a captain, a cop, and Munch yelling in the background. Elliot gets thrown like a Frisbee through a window after hitting the man with a fire extinguisher in the back of the head. (How he isn’t knocked unconscious after that, I don’t know.) Olivia tasers him, and he still gets back up and goes after her. Fin finally hits him over the head with a chair, and he collapses. A chair?! After a fire extinguisher and a taser gun, he goes down with a hit from a chair? Why, writers, why? Still better, why did this scene even exist? It has nothing to do with the rest of the episode, and Elliot could have been written off as being in court. That poor kid could have dropped off the package and ran. An exciting but rather wasted beginning of an episode.

After that entire debacle, we finally actually get to see what was in the package that the kid brought into the squad. And boy oh boy, it’s kiddie fun. Maybe the writers should bring back the guy on the PCP…

Or show more Elliot with his shirt off. Please! Elliot had to get a shot in the lower arm, below his elbow! Wear a fashionable hospital gown like the rest of us. I’ve seen enough of Elliot without his clothes on. At least we don’t see him for most of the rest of the episode.

At least Olivia’s time (and by time I really mean five seconds) in computer crimes paid off. Sort of. The bit about the memory card time and date… Sorry computer techy, but one seems to have forgotten that anyone can set the date and time on that memory card to anything they want. Show me ten people who actually have the date and time set correctly on their memory card and I’ll buy you dinner. (And no, I’m not Lake. But I do wish that I could buy Casey dinner.)

The good stuff just keeps coming; the clichéd cop with a la donut. Why does Fin give that random kid a donut, anyway? If it was Diego, then I would understand. However, one good quote does come out of it:

Kid: How come you don’t know that already?
Fin: We’re too busy eating.

However, the best quote of the night comes a bit later, after Munch walks in following his off camera canvas of Diego’s school.

Fin: Oh, you’re late because you were doing something useful!

Laced, and I mean literally drenched, in sarcasm. The writers know that they are skimping on the Munch TV time. They’re writing it into the scripts! *Points to above quote.* And yet, they refuse to do something simple about it… say, write Munch into the script instead of writing about how he’s not in the script! I need some Munch time, stat!

Fin: We don’t speak your dialect of crazy.

Leave it to Munch to know about excessive production of earwax (also known as cerumen). I’d say that’s another dialect of crazy all together.

So, how does this relate to the case again? Olivia goes to talk to Diego. He passes out, then Jennifer passes out. No one notices the smoking radiator in the background. Go figure. Olivia at least does a good job of getting the tenants out of their apartments before she blacks out. One point for Olivia!

Cragen: Take her, restrain her if you have to.

Good, at least someone is following the rules. Jeez, Olivia. You were just exposed to an unknown toxin, and you’re refusing medical care. Smartness at its prime.

Fin: Leave it to the prince of paranoia to take it up a notch that’s a reach, even for you.

Yeah, only he’s right! After he found that check for Millstead, all evidence seems to indicate that he was intentionally poisoning Diego and documenting his reaction to the toxin. For once, we actually have a conspiracy on our hands! I can’t remember a good one since “Manic”. But, now that Millstead is dead, do the detectives regret how he died? Perhaps not that he’s dead, but the manner in which he was murdered. (With a sharpened toothbrush, in case you’ve forgotten.) Excellent example of our penitentiary system.

And Olivia is back to thinking like a victim and not a cop. Notice that only when Elliot returns to the scene does Olivia even remotely consider doing something illegal to get information. But once Elliot plants the idea… whoosh! We’re off to the races.

Computer Tech Morales: I never figured you for somebody who would break the law.

*Falls out of chair and laughs hysterically for hours.*

Really, hm? I guess you haven’t watched the last three seasons. Casey told Olivia that it would be virtually impossible. It’s not giving up if your continuing on to the billions of other open cases that you have on your desk, more kids waiting for your help. If you lose your job, Olivia, then what?

Wow. I barely have the words to describe this. Olivia and Morales are hacking into the company’s computers via the men’s room. Olivia in hospital drag: humorous. Olivia asking Morales for help: annoying. But Olivia crouching over a men’s room toilet and then making the “I thought it was the ladies room” excuse: priceless. How high schoolish is that? Wait, even we don’t pull that kind of junk.

Munch: And until he does get here you can enjoy the hospitality of our prisoner lounge.

Lawyer: I want to see your ADA now.
Casey: (coming in the door) You rang?

Casey: Don’t marinade on it too long gentlemen, this offer has a half life of ten seconds.

Major squeeing right now. Casey just used the words “marinade” and “half life” in the same sentence. She is so my hero.

If you were able to follow me this far, congratulations to you. You get a cookie! Even I don’t really know what happened this week. From PCP to packages to pedophiles to Homeland Security to poisonous research companies to… well, who knows what else they slipped in there that I missed. I heard a rumor that Arnold Schwarzenegger made a guest appearance and Stephanie March returned from witness protection as Alex Cabot (again) but everything was too confusing to catch it.

Preview for next week: Wow. This just keeps getting better and better. (Sarcasm.) “Elliot Stabler could never commit murder.” I’m hoping that this is a gross misadvertisement, as NBC is subject to do every once and a while. Elliot has already fallen off the edge; I don’t think many of us are inclined to see it happen again. Somebody give this guy a parachute or something.

There must be nowhere to go from here but up, right? So, pass the remote.


John said...

"You were just exposed to an unknown toxin, and you’re refusing medical care. Smartness at its prime."

May be the exposure to a neuro-toxin helps explain her bad decision making?

Trublu said...

Possible... but if I know Olivia, she would have refused under any circumstances.